The Consequences of Imperfection
by Kath
Summary: Trinity Fic. Relations are strained in the aftermath of the Arcturus Project. What will it take to get everyone back on the right track?


Title; The Consequences of Imperfection

Author; Kath

Disclaimer; Recognisable characters are the property of Stargate Atlantis. Story is my own.

Note; Whenever I've had a bad day I read or write Trinity fic. And I feel much better!

Author's Note on the text; If this story was an episode you would have a 'fade to black' before cutting to events earlier in the day but it's on paper (or the electronic equivalent) so I've had to make do with dots. Look out for ….. for a flashback and ***** for a change in scene. I hope the transitions are obvious for all.

Spoilers; For Trinity. AU.

**The Consequences of Imperfection**

Rodney McKay straightened from the console, absentmindedly scratching at his palm. It was done. Finally it was done. Eight hours of calculations, simulations, careful, methodical cleaning and he was done.

McKay bent his back, hearing and feeling the pop as abused vertebrae realigned and cramped muscles eased. He turned to the secure alcove and sighed deeply. "Would you look at that," he whispered reverently.

And it was a beautiful sight. Two, yes two, almost fully charged ZPMs, cradled carefully in their holdings, ready to be installed.

There should be cheering, celebrations, much back slapping. But there was none of that. McKay was alone in the ZPM chamber and had been for the last eight hours, ever since his attempt to enlist first Zelenka and then Kusanagi to help with the tedious but necessary cleaning and testing had been rebuffed. It was just another example of how far his authority had slipped since… _that_ project.

But McKay wasn't thinking about that, not anymore. It was over; he'd apologised, he'd learnt lessons and he was moving on, even if others he could mention did not seem to be. And if a tiny part of him hoped that the discovery of these ZPMs would restore at least outwardly some of the respect that he had lost… well. McKay snorted softly to himself as he moved to his laptop; first he had to get his colleagues to acknowledge his discovery.

McKay checked that the bandages were secure as he accessed his email. No new messages. Not one. Not one single receipt of his reports. No acknowledgement of his Mission Report that detailed how he had come back from PX-5649 with two ZPMs. No receipt of the report that had confirmed the ZPMs were viable. No reply to the report detailing the duty rota changes that would be needed when the ZPMs were installed. Eight hours of silence.

Admittedly there was a crisis going on. But even during a crisis there were times that all you could do was wait. It was not as if Elizabeth would be on the front line. You would think that she had found half an hour to check what else was going on in the city.

Apparently not. McKay shut down his laptop, locked the secure alcove, powered down the slots for the ZPMs and finally wiped his forehead. He did feel a bit flushed; probably all this effort. He picked up his laptop, pulled out a half eaten power bar and headed for the control room after locking the ZPM chamber. One last attempt to let Elizabeth know that they had two (Two! It was a dream come true!) ZPMs and that the city was about to become even more alive.

Weir, Sheppard and Lorne were clustered round a laptop laying on the conference table displaying a topographical map of another planet.

"The team are being held here," said Sheppard pointing a long finger at the map. "We can't get a jumper landed because of the hill, but we could land here, cloaked, and give the guards a hell of a surprise."

Lorne nodded in agreement but still he had to point out the dangers. "We can do it, sir, but that still leaves us seven hundred yards to cover in the open, and those guards are good shots."

Sheppard nodded, "Full TAC gear and we'll take three jumpers…" He broke off as he heard someone clearing their throat at the door, irritated that they had been interrupted. When he saw who was the source of the interruption he frowned and looked back at the map.

Weir had looked up too, "Not now, Rodney," she said with a wave of her hand.

McKay simply nodded and turned away.

"As I was saying," Sheppard continued, "we'll take three jumpers and I want a back-up squad to secure the gate."

McKay returned to his quarters. He didn't think about much on the way. The ZPMs were ready to go and the work schedule for installing them was as tight as he could make it. Presumably tomorrow he would get the authorisation he needed, after all the rescue mission was obviously well under way.

McKay kicked off his shoes and laid his laptop on the desk. He rummaged around for the plastic bags he'd been given to cover his bandages and then headed for the shower.

Twenty minutes later he was dressed for bed, but still he dallied, finally sitting in front of his laptop. He stared at the blank screen for a few moments, still feeling numb.

But gradually the numbness warmed; first to resentment and then to anger. Roughly he pulled the laptop to him and accessed the mail program to begin typing his resignation. He was not about to stay here where his authority was questioned on a daily basis, where his own staff were arbitrarily assigned without his knowledge, where so called friends alternately ignored him or belittled him, where every proof of his valuable contribution to the safety, security and well being of this expedition was forgotten if he ever had the temerity to make a mistake…

But before he had finished his letter he stopped and considered. Was he really going to deny himself the wonders of this city; the wonders that were possible by his actions?

McKay shook his head; he'd sleep on it. Make the final decision when he wasn't so tired and his hands weren't so itchy. Perhaps he would feel less bitter in the morning.

Elizabeth's fingers tightened on the railing when the gate started dialling. Within moments Colonel Sheppard was requesting permission to come home and she ordered the sergeant on duty to lower the shield. Elizabeth thought from the tone of John's voice that the rescue had gone well but she wouldn't relax completely until it was confirmed.

The first jumper came through and Elizabeth saw Major Lorne at the controls who gave her a grin and a salute before moving his jumper out of the way so that the other jumpers could come through.

"Everyone okay, Colonel?" she asked through the headset when Sheppard hovered the jumper in front of her.

"Everyone's fine, Dr Weir. A few cuts and bruises but nothing life threatening. We'll get these babies parked and get cleaned up."

"Great, John, debrief in an hour."

"Yes, ma'am," Sheppard said with a grin and a sloppy salute. Then he and the others piloted their jumpers out of the gate room.

Elizabeth smiled, a weight dropping from her shoulders in relief as her people returned home safe. She sat behind her desk massaging her temples for a moment before calling up her mail program. City business didn't stop just because there was a crisis going on and Elizabeth sighed wearily when she saw the thirty or so emails sitting in her inbox. But the heading of one did catch her eye.

"ZPM Installation" from Rodney McKay.

Elizabeth gazed at it, bewildered. She actually rubbed her eyes before focusing back on the mail. Maybe it was a request for more materials or resources for the project to build their own ZPM. With trembling fingers she opened the mail and her jaw dropped as she saw the work schedule for installing two ZPMs. Two! Where on Atlantis had Rodney McKay found two ZPMs?

Her first instinct was to call McKay immediately and she remembered dismissing the man a couple of hours before. Had he been coming to tell her then? He hadn't seemed excited, just tired. So Elizabeth held off on contacting McKay and scrolled through the mails looking for other reports.

She found another one sent in the early evening. This report detailed the testing of the ZPMs and offered the astounding news that they were both almost fully powered. Elizabeth's mind reeled with the thought of what they could do in the city with almost full power. But there was still no explanation of where the ZPMs had come from.

Scrolling down again Elizabeth found Rodney's Mission Report for his trip earlier in the day. It had been sent just as the crisis was starting and Elizabeth remembered that Lorne's team and Rodney had been ordered to return early from their mission so that Colonel Sheppard would have more options for the rescue mission. Scrolling up one more time Elizabeth checked for any earlier reports, but there were none. The explanation must have been in the Mission Report, but then why did Major Lorne not say anything?

Puzzled, but eager, Elizabeth opened the Mission Report and began to read.

"Mission Report PX-5649. Major Evan Lorne commanding. Personnel; Lieutenant Laura Cadman, Sergeant Ryan Hewer, Dr Rodney McKay, CSO. Mission; further trade with the Malaxian people, identification of possible Ancient technology in the Malaxian settlement. Report; We parked our cloaked jumper at the edge of the forest, some three miles from the gate. We secured the jumper and made the walk to the settlement, a journey that took approximately forty minutes to complete. We were greeted by Councilman Trein and Councilman Riva, both of whom were known to Major Lorne…"

...

"Major! It is very good to see you and your friends again!"

"Councilman Trein, Councilman Riva, it is a pleasure to be back again. I hope you and your kin are well?"

McKay tuned out the meet and greet, still fuming at the soldiers he was forced to spend his precious time with. What was that saying? 'Don't listen at doors or you might hear something you didn't want to'. Well, it was sage advice. As he'd arrived at the equipment room he'd heard Hewer complaining about his inclusion on their team. He could still hear Lorne's response; "Look, Hewer, I don't want McKay on this particular mission, you don't want McKay on this mission," Rodney had missed the next bit, presumably because Lorne had turned away from the door, but he heard the last comment, "But he's going on it so suck it up. That is an order." He'd gone in at that point, made some cutting remark about professionalism and then he had pointedly and competently loaded his Berretta, secured it and picked up the pack that he had prepared the night before when he had been ordered to go on this ridiculous mission.

The jumper ride had been silent, the walk to the settlement even more awkward. Lorne at least had the grace to try to apologise, but McKay had brushed him off. He couldn't stand pretence and he already knew of Lorne's low opinion of him.

"May I present our scholar, Doctor Rodney McKay."

He was on. McKay stepped forward and remembered the traditional words of greeting for the first contact that Cadman had gone over in the briefing. "Well met, Councilman Trein, Councilman Riva, may your homes and families know only peace." He finished his greeting with a nod of his head.

Trein beamed at him. "Well met, Doctor Rodney McKay, may you bring your peace in to our homes." Trein nodded as well and Riva followed suit.

"Now," Trein continued, "we have prepared a meal for you, but first perhaps you would like to see the progress we have made with our crops. The seedlings you provided have done well. And I know that Riva is anxious to show Doctor Rodney McKay the Ancestors dwelling."

"That sounds fine, Trein. Cadman you accompany, McKay. Hewer and I will check out the crops with Trein."

"Sure, Major," said Cadman, "Coming, Rodney?"

McKay sighed, but quietly. Perhaps there would be something of interest here. He strode off following Cadman and Riva who were already deep in conversation. They crossed the village to where a rocky promontory rose to about thirty feet. The rocks provided a good shelter for the village and in the rock face there was an opening with a man and a woman waiting outside. McKay blinked at the scanner in his hand. The two humans standing by the rock face were not showing up on the scanner, although he could clearly make out his own, Cadman's and Riva's signs. Now that was curious.

Cadman smiled and waved, "Hey, Trevia, Corne! How are you?"

Introductions were made quickly and McKay and Cadman followed the Malaxians in to a rough hewn corridor which was well lit with burning torches. Soon they stepped out into a wide chamber and both gasped at what they saw.

The chamber was about twenty feet square and thirty high. On the far wall thick curtains had been placed at about head height. But it was the walls that had made Cadman and McKay gasp. From floor to ceiling and wall to wall they were covered in Ancient script.

"This is amazing!" McKay breathed.

Trevia smiled, "Your wonder honours the Ancestors, Doctor McKay."

"The markings are so fresh! It's like the Ancients, I mean Ancestors just left."

"Ah," said Corne, "That is part of our devotion. Every moon cycle we refresh the markings so that the Ancestors' wisdom is never lost."

"Great idea," said Cadman.

Riva pointed to one of the curtains, "This way Doctor McKay."

Corne and Trevia moved over to the wall and drew back the materials revealing a doorway and another well lit room. Riva and McKay stepped through and McKay walked eagerly forward followed by Corne.

This room was smaller, but the scripts continued on the walls and in the centre of the far wall was a boxy shape. It seemed to be of the same rock type as the walls, but McKay couldn't tell if it was a natural rock formation or if it was artificial. Certainly it had been polished until it was smooth and there was one very precise rectangle carved in to the surface.

McKay looked around in awe, recognising several Ancient words carved in to the walls, including he was excited to note, the word 'Potentia'.

"Cadman, this is amazing!" McKay whirled round, grinning from ear to ear and forgetting his pique with the soldiers in his excitement. But he felt a frisson of alarm when he realised that Cadman had not entered the chamber with him.

"Do not worry, Doctor McKay. Lieutenant Cadman will wait outside with Trevia. Warriors are not permitted to enter the inner sanctum. Please, approach." Riva waved his arm over to the console or alter or whatever it was and warily McKay obeyed. He was beginning to get a bad feeling about this.

"This is the Reliquary." Riva explained. "We believe that the Ancestors concealed some of their wisdom here so that it would be safe and ready for them when they returned. When we realised that your people were the descendants of the Ancestors we were most glad that you had returned to us. You are of the Ancestors, Doctor McKay. It is your honour to claim their wisdom."

"How?" McKay asked suspiciously.

"Place your hands on the stone, in the centre of the plate." Riva said.

Still suspicious McKay cautiously approached the rock. "Here?"

"Please."

McKay's hands hovered over the markings. "This could be a very bad idea," he protested. "This has been sitting here for over 10,000 years. It could break. There could be something dangerous in here. Ever heard of Pandora's Box?"

"The Ancestors would not harm one of their own. It is quite safe. Trust us."

"I've just met you." McKay muttered. He looked up at the wall facing him. There it was again; Potentia. With a feeling of bridges being burned McKay placed his hands on the stone surface.

Almost immediately he felt heat bloom under his palms. He yelped in pain and surprise and tried to snatch his hands back but Corne and Riva held a hand over each of his, keeping his palms flat, all the while chanting softly.

"Cadman!" McKay yelled, "Get in here! Now!"

There was a stabbing pain in each of his palms and McKay could feel and then see the wetness of his blood oozing between his fingers.

As soon as they saw the blood Riva and Corne stepped back, their expressions concerned.

"I am sorry, Doctor McKay." said Riva. "We did not expect you to be injured. Riva tore off some of his tunic lining and offered it to McKay.

"You didn't expect it!" McKay snapped. He grabbed the cloth and wrapped it around one hand while Corne offered some more material for the other. "What did I say? What did I tell you? Bad things! Bad things can happen when you try to second guess the Ancients!"

His rant was cut off however by the grinding of stone.

All three men looked back at the reliquary, McKay with some trepidation, the Malaxians with awe. The carved lines were now glowing and splitting revealing a cavity in the stone. And rising within it, perfectly balanced on an ornate metal tray were…two, glowing ZPMs.

"Oh, Ancestors," Corne breathed.

"They are beautiful." Riva whispered.

"ZPMs!" was all McKay could manage.

"Doctor McKay, we are honoured that we should have been chosen to guard the Ancestors' wisdom. You have proven worthy to receive them. We hope you will treat them with the reverence they deserve."

"Yeah, no question there," McKay said, completely forgetting his injured hands. "Wait, wait, you are just going to give them to me?"

Riva looked puzzled for a moment. "Of course. They are not ours, they are the Ancestors'. And the Ancestors have deemed you worthy of their gift."

"No ritual? No price?" McKay asked incredulously.

Riva smiled and nodded. "No ritual, no price. This is why we requested that a scholar should come to our village to claim what is rightfully yours.

"That is," McKay was almost lost for words, but he tried his best to be properly diplomatic, "that is very gracious of you and is very much appreciated, Councilman Riva. I am sure that our people will be grateful to you and yours. The agreements between our peoples' will always stand. You have made firm friends today."

"Thankyou, Doctor McKay. Can we assist?"

In short order McKay had his hands washed and cleansed with antiseptic wipes, wrapped in bandages and held in place with his gloves. Then he removed his laptop and some of his scanners from his back pack and carefully positioned the precious ZPMs so that they would not be damaged. Corne and Riva helped him get the pack secured and McKay turned to the Malaxians once more. "Thank you," he said quietly, "you don't know how much this means to my people."

Riva smiled and gestured him back in to the ante-chamber.

Once back in the larger room McKay spotted Cadman and Trevia happily chatting. McKay glowered; some bodyguard Cadman turned out to be! Then he remembered the two ZPMs and decided he could forgive her - sometime.

"Lieutenant, we need to go."

Cadman frowned at his tone then turned to Trevia. "He's always cranky when he's been working!" she said joking to try to dispel any offence McKay's brusque tone might cause.

"I believe Doctor McKay is anxious to return to the city of the Ancestors," Corne said.

"Okay," Cadman agreed, "let's find the others."

As it turned out Major Lorne and Sergeant Hewer were looking for them.

"Hey, Councilman, sorry to cut and run, but we're needed back in the city. Another one of our allies needs help."

Riva was concerned. "I'm sure you will do all that you can." He turned to McKay and offered the traditional bow of farewell. "I hope too you will return soon, Doctor McKay, there is much we could learn from you."

"I would like that very much," said McKay, awkwardly returning the farewell salute.

The others all made their goodbyes and SGA2 filed out the village. Once they were in the forest proper Lorne stepped up the pace.

"Come on, people, we have an emergency back home. Double time."

"No." McKay said emphatically.

"What did you say, McKay?"

"I have very delicate equipment in this pack, I'm not about to break it running full pelt through a forest. I'll go as fast as I can." McKay could see the contempt on Hewer's face and he thought that Lorne himself was about to explode.

"Best speed," Lorne said through gritted teeth.

...

"On our return to Atlantis the military members were immediately called for a briefing on a situation with SGA6. I made my way to the infirmary where Nurse Ollin treated my injuries. I then proceeded to the science department where I shall test the ZPMs. A further update on their viability will be forthcoming. Mission Report ends; Doctor Rodney McKay, CSO."

Weir sat back in her chair, stunned. Two ZPMs!

"Doctor Beckett?"

Beckett glanced up from signing off the final medical reports for the injured. Nothing too serious thankfully. Indeed the most serious was Corporal Chavez who had twisted his ankle on his way back to the stargate to get help for his team.

"Janice, what can I do for you?"

"I thought you should have a look at this, Doctor." said Janice Ollin.

"And what's this?" Beckett asked as he scanned the data pad.

"Doctor McKay was in here, earlier. I treated him for what appeared to be minor stab wounds…"

"Stab wounds!" Beckett exclaimed.

"Yes, more like needles really," Janice was becoming flustered, "He'd already disinfected them himself; I just cleaned them up a bit more thoroughly and bandaged them properly."

"Where the hell was I?"

"You'd gone to the control room to treat Corporal Chavez."

Beckett deflated slightly. "Oh, I see. Did you do a medical report?"

"Yes, Doctor. I left it for you on your desk."

Beckett glanced back at his over-flowing desk. "Right, apologies, lass, it'll be here somewhere." He looked back at the data pad. "So what am I looking at here?"

"I took a blood sample from Doctor McKay, as per regulations for off-world trips, and, well, the results just came back. There's an anomaly. See there?"

Beckett frowned. "Indeed I do, lass. That is unusual. You know what? I think I'll ask Rodney to come down here for a follow up. Thanks, Janice."

Nurse Ollin nodded and left his desk while Beckett attempted to call McKay. There was no reply.

Elizabeth Weir stepped off the transporter in the living quarters and headed for McKay's room. She'd already checked the labs, the ZPM Chamber and the mess and had found no sign of the scientist. Indeed no one could recall seeing McKay for several hours. In addition McKay wasn't answering his radio. So all in all, Elizabeth was beginning to feel a little impatient with the man, even if he had discovered two ZPMs.

As she rounded the last corridor that would lead to McKay's quarters she saw Doctor Beckett ahead of her.

"Carson! How's things in the infirmary?"

Beckett whirled round, "Och, I didn't realise you were there, Elizabeth. All's well. All the patients have been discharged with doctor's orders to take it easy, for tonight at least. My report's almost done, I'll have it mailed to you shortly."

"Thanks, Carson. I'm glad to hear that, but what are you doing here?"

"Ah, just a wee niggle with Rodney. I'd like to see him for a follow up exam."

Elizabeth's forehead creased; Rodney's report had mentioned that the Ancient 'device' or 'reliquary' had required a blood sample to check for the ATA gene, but he hadn't mentioned anything else about it. "Is Rodney all right?" she asked.

"I'm sure he is," Beckett assured her, "just better to be safe than sorry."

They reached McKay's door and Elizabeth rang the chime. There was no response.

"Ach, he's probably getting some food," Beckett said and began to turn away.

"I checked the mess," said Elizabeth, "no sign of him."

"The labs?"

"No, no one's seen him for hours."

"Maybe he's sleeping."

"Maybe." Elizabeth rubbed her chin. "But he's not answering his radio either." She looked back at the door. "I think we should check, Carson."

"Aye, I think you're right, lass."

Beckett exerted his command of the ATA gene and the door swished open. "Rodney? You there, lad?"

The two senior staff members peered in to the darkened room. "Rodney?" Elizabeth whispered.

Beckett thought the lights up a fraction as they stepped further in to the room. "Ah, there he is," whispered Beckett with relief in his voice. "Rodney?" he called in a louder tone and then he stopped suddenly as glass crunched under his foot. The command to raise the lights was instinctual and Beckett gasped when he caught sight of his friend fully. "Rodney!" he called.

McKay was half falling out of his bed, the coverlet trailing with him, small smears of blood on the floor. Carefully Beckett eased him back and started checking the unconscious man's pulse. Beckett reached up to his earpiece; "Medical Emergency! Medical team to Doctor McKay's quarters!"

"Carson, what is it? What's wrong?" Elizabeth's voice was sharp with alarm.

"Blood poisoning, I think. Oh, Rodney. How do you get yourself in to these messes?"

"Poisoning? How did he get poisoned?"

"I think Rodney's the only one that could answer that. Where the hell are they, he needs the infirmary."

"What can I do?"

"See if you can get me a cold, wet towel. Aye, he's burning up."

Weir dashed for the shower room just as the medical team rushed in. By the time she returned McKay was being transferred to a gurney and Beckett had an oxygen mask over his face. Wordlessly she handed over the wet towel.

"Thanks," Beckett tucked the towel around McKay's chest and Elizabeth could see a network of dark lines under McKay's skin, like grey spider webs. "We'll be off now. Gently, folks, but all speed." Beckett and his team left quickly.

Weir took a deep breath, glancing around the room. Slowly, almost in a daze she straightened the bed and then started gathering up the broken glass. She paused as she came across the source; Rodney's framed photograph of his cat. Elizabeth smoothed out the photo and then her eye was caught by something else; Rodney's earpiece. Her eyes widened as she realised what had happened. McKay must have tried to call for help, but he'd knocked the photo frame and his earpiece to the floor and not been able to find it.

How long had he lain there? Alone? Unconscious and bleeding.

Suddenly Elizabeth felt a wave of nausea. Quickly she swallowed, dumped the broken glass in the waste bin and turned to the desk. She placed the photo down but knocked the laptop that was sitting there. She had another shock when she saw her own name in the header of a document on the screen. Automatically she started to read.

A few moments later, her lips pressed in a thin line of pain, she clicked her own earpiece.

"Weir to Sheppard."

"Hey, Elizabeth, I'm not even late yet!"

Sheppard still sounded high from the successful rescue mission; this would bring him down with a bump. "John, I'm postponing the debrief. Meet me in the infirmary."

"Elizabeth, what's going on?"

"Rodney's ill, John. Rodney's very ill."

They reached the infirmary almost together.

"What's McKay done now?" Sheppard demanded.

"Carson thinks it's some kind of poison." said Weir. "But he'll tell us when he can." She gestured to the infirmary and the two entered but not before Elizabeth caught a flash of anger on Sheppard's face. She'd been seeing that expression a lot recently, in fact sometimes she knew she mirrored it and abruptly a line from that letter came back to her.

"… _the senior staff question my judgement on the most trivial matters and belittle my legitimate concerns. Such behaviour is completely unwarranted…"_

She shook it off; she couldn't afford to be distracted now.

Only one bed was occupied in the infirmary and privacy curtains had been pulled but they could see the shadows as medical personnel worked on the patient. They could also hear the commands and information going back and forth. Weir took some comfort from the calm tone of Beckett's voice, but she knew that sometimes that was a mask for the seriousness of the situation.

Twenty minutes passed. Sheppard was pacing but Elizabeth remained still; processing everything that had happened in such a short space of time. Finally Beckett emerged from behind the curtains.

"Well, he's stable. We've pumped him full of antibiotics and we're getting his fluid levels up. Right now we just have to keep him comfortable while we try to figure out exactly what kind of bacteria we're dealing with. Luckily we have base lines and an early culture of his blood. I've already sent the new samples to the lab; hopefully we'll have some answers soon."

"Bacteria? So this wasn't a deliberate poisoning?"

"I can't answer to that, lass. Nurse Ollin disinfected two puncture like wounds on Rodney's hands and it's clear those wounds are the site of the infection, but how he got them…" Beckett trailed off as he shrugged.

"When the hell was McKay wounded?" Sheppard exploded.

"It seems to have been on his mission to PX-5649."

"Why wasn't I informed?"

Elizabeth raised an eyebrow at his tone. "We're all finding out about this now, Colonel. In fact we're finding out a lot of things right now. We need to know exactly what happened on PX-5649. I know I've postponed the debrief on the rescue and I know it's getting late, but we really need to speak to the team members of SGA2; they are the only ones who could shed some light on this."

"I'll call them," Sheppard said grimly.

Lorne, Cadman and Hewer waited in the conference room.

"Any idea what this is about, sir?" Hewer asked.

"Nope, but I'm sure we're about to find out." Lorne gestured through the windows where Weir, Sheppard and Beckett could be seen heading purposefully for the meeting. "And it doesn't look good," Lorne added when he saw the serious expressions.

Weir entered the room first, nodding to the soldiers, "Major, Lieutenant, Sergeant, please take a seat."

Everyone settled around the table. Weir clasped her hands and began speaking. "I know you haven't had time to submit Mission Reports for PX-5649, but Doctor McKay has. Doctor McKay is currently in the infirmary suffering from what appears to be blood poisoning." She saw all three soldiers' eyes widen. "So the first thing to check is, are any of you suffering from any symptoms?"

The military members of SGA2 looked at each other, shaking their heads and it was Lorne who answered, "No, ma'am, none of us ate or drank while we were on Malaxia, none of us sustained any injury and Doctor McKay did not report any injury to me while we were there."

"I see. From his report Doctor McKay states that the team split up, is that correct?"

"Yes, ma'am. Sergeant Hewer and I accompanied Councilman Trein to view progress on their harvest. Doctor McKay and Lieutenant Cadman accompanied Councilman Riva to view what may have been an Ancient construction."

"Lieutenant did you leave McKay alone at any time?" Sheppard asked.

Cadman flushed, "Yes, I did, Colonel." She saw Sheppard frown and continued, "But I could see him the whole time!"

...

"This way, Doctor McKay,"

Corne and Trevia swept the curtains back revealing a corridor and another well lit room beyond. Riva and McKay stepped forward followed by Corne, but he allowed his part of the curtain to fall back before Cadman could step forward. Trevia too let her curtain fall. With an apologetic smile Trevia said, "I'm afraid it is forbidden for warriors to enter the inner sanctum."

Cadman frowned and replied, "I'm afraid that is unacceptable, Trevia. Doctor McKay's safety is my responsibility."

"Doctor McKay will come to no harm with us, Laura." She gestured along the wall to the other set of curtains, "Please, see for yourself."

Warily Cadman followed as Trevia drew back the curtains. For a moment it appeared as if it was just another side of the rock, albeit one that had no markings, but when Trevia pulled the curtains away from the surface it seemed to dissolve revealing a glass or perspex like window.

Cadman gasped, "Cool!" She saw McKay looking around the inner sanctum with wonder on his face and he began speaking excitedly. Cadman couldn't hear what he was saying. "Coo-ee, Rodney!" she waved.

Trevia grinned. "Doctor McKay can not see you, Laura. We can see in, but they can't see out."

"Oh, very cool. Ancient one way glass! I like it!" She watched as McKay, Corne and Riva approached a rock formation on the far wall. "What's that?" Cadman asked.

"That is the Reliquary," Trevia replied. "I believe Councilman Riva hopes that Doctor McKay will be able to open it."

"Well if any one can it'll be McKay." Cadman said confidently. She turned to glance at Trevia. "So," she said archly, "last time I was here you were preparing for a very important family meal. How did that go?"

Trevia blushed. "It was very good. My parents have known Cotat and his family for years. There really is no impediment to our joining, but it is traditional to entertain the suitor's family, to show that the daughter of the house is a capable help-meet and that she is valued by her family."

"Congratulations," Cadman smiled. "So what's the next step?" She glanced back to the window to see the three men bent over the reliquary, presumably deep in concentration. She turned back to hear Trevia's answer.

"At the next double moon my family will be entertained by Cotat's family. He must also prove that he will be a good help-meet for me," Trevia smiled.

"And will he be?"

"Oh, yes, we are well matched. I am very much looking forward to our joining ceremony."

"Ah, a wedding! No one can resist a wedding!"

"Wedding? Is that what you call your joining ceremonies?"

"It is. We have similar customs to you. When two people decide to get wed, we have parties for the families too. Sometimes the engagement party is even bigger than the wedding itself!"

"Have you had a wedding?"

"Me? No. I've been to plenty as a guest. Even been the Maid of Honour a couple of times. But I've never been the bride. Not yet anyway."

"Do you intend to be 'the bride' one day?"

Cadman smiled. "There's plenty of time. Right now I'm having the time of my life, I'm not ready to settle down just yet."

"Could you not do both?"

"Sure," Cadman shrugged. "But there would be other considerations. Children for example. It can be a real dilemma for any soldier, the duty to family and the duty to defence."

"I understand," said Trevia. "Here, there is always the threat of the Wraith, although we have been spared their attentions for many generations now, by the blessings of the Ancestors." Gently she touched the Ancient script behind her.

"Hey, we have a similar custom! We say 'Touch Wood' for good luck." Cadman looked back in to the sanctum to see McKay fussing with his pack.

"Really? Why wood?"

"I think it goes back centuries. In some of the old religions on my planet the people believed that spirits lived in the trees. They used to pray to the spirits in the trees for good luck or protection and of course, people sometimes carry a charm for good luck." Cadman trailed off, suddenly aware that she might end up having to discuss comparative religion with Trevia. "Oh," she said with some relief, "looks like they are finished."

Trevia glanced through the window. "Of course." She closed the curtains. "Do you pray to the spirits or carry any charms?"

Cadman laughed, "Well I've done both in the past, but I do wear these." She fished out her dog tags.

"And do these bring you luck?"

Cadman grew serious for a moment as she fingered the tags. "Well," she said quietly, "I know I'll be brought home."

Trevia sensed that this was special to the soldier. "I would very much like to see your home. Do you think that would be possible?"

They were still discussing the possibility of a visit to Atlantis when Doctor McKay appeared through the curtains, glaring at her.

"Lieutenant, we need to go."

"He's always cranky when he's been working!"

...

"And at no time did Doctor McKay seem to me to be in any distress, nor did he tell me of any injuries."

"You should still have followed him or if that wasn't possible you should have got him out of there," Sheppard said.

Cadman bristled. She could see Major Lorne getting ready to speak, but Laura Cadman could fight her own battles.

"That would not be appropriate, Colonel. In my professional opinion, disrespecting the Malaxians' laws would have caused an incident. And we all know how bad those types of incidents can turn and how quickly. There was no need to antagonise the Malaxians and I did not believe Doctor McKay was in any danger."

"Yet he was still injured."

"Yes, and I apologise if my actions caused those injuries. But, Colonel, he was in there for fifteen minutes, less than that. As far as I could see Rodney was never threatened. If he had been, of course I would have gone in there, damn the law."

Sheppard opened his mouth to speak but Weir cut him off. "It might be the case that Doctor McKay voluntarily injured himself."

"What?" Sheppard demanded incredulously.

Elizabeth turned to him. "In his report, Rodney says that a blood sample was needed by the device for identification. If the tool that he used was infected in some way?"

"Aye, that would do it, but it doesn't sound like Rodney." Beckett said dubiously.

"I know. And until he wakes up we won't know for sure. But I do agree with Lieutenant Cadman. I have met Councilman Riva myself; he is an intelligent and cultured man. I am sure he would not use force on any of our people. It is not in his nature."

"Perhaps we could go back to Malaxia," Beckett suggested. "This could be something quite common that the people there know how to treat. Worth a shot?"

"I think that's a good idea, Carson. Can you go yourself?"

"Aye, I think a short trip should be fine. Rodney is stable for now and Doctor Biro is on duty, she knows what to do."

"Colonel, any concerns?"

"I haven't met the Malaxians so I don't have your instincts about them. But we can not ignore the possibility that this was deliberate. I'd like to go with SGA-2 to form my own opinion."

"Very well," Weir nodded. "Carson, my first instinct is to go straight away, but it's night on Malaxia now; the people might be alarmed by strangers approaching at night. Plus there's the terrain to consider; it's quite a hike to the settlement, through forest; we might have further injuries to our own people. Do you think we can wait until morning?"

"I believe we can, Elizabeth. I've got several treatments being tested in the labs as we speak. If one of them is successful we might not need to go, at least not for a cure. If Rodney's condition deteriorates I'll advise you right away."

"Okay, thanks, Carson. Now before you go there's something else that Rodney brought back from Malaxia. Two, fully functional ZPMs."

The stunned reactions of everyone around the table convinced Elizabeth that Rodney had not told the team that fact either, and it was confirmed when Lorne burst out; "Why the hell did he not tell me?"

"I don't know, Major. Was there any reason for him to keep it secret?"

Lorne shook his head. "Not that I can think of…" he trailed off.

"Major?"

Lorne blushed. "Perhaps Doctor McKay did not feel, erm, comfortable with the team."

"Why would there be a problem?" Sheppard frowned.

Lorne glanced at Cadman and Hewer; Cadman had clearly got the gist of what the major was concerned about and she nodded at him. "There was some, discussion about Doctor McKay's inclusion on the mission…"

...

"I can't believe that we have to babysit McKay! Just because Colonel Sheppard doesn't want McKay on his team…"

"That is enough, Sergeant!" Lorne did not often lose his temper, but the new Sergeant had just crossed the line. "Doctor McKay is a member of the senior command staff of Atlantis and you will treat him with respect."

"Colonel Sheppard's not." Hewer obviously didn't know when to quit.

"That is a matter for Doctor McKay and Colonel Sheppard to work out for themselves. And they will work it out. You will not disrespect either of them by gossiping about them. Clear?"

"Yes, sir," said Hewer, still sounding surly. "I still say McKay's going to slow us down."

"It's a standard meet and greet, with a reliable ally," Cadman broke in, truly exasperated with Hewer. "It's not like we're going in to battle." Her eyes narrowed at Hewer. "And on that point, if it does all go to hell in a hand cart I can't think of any other scientist that I'd rather have with me." She nodded emphatically.

Hewer opened his mouth to retort, but Lorne held up a hand. "You just don't know McKay the way we do; he'll be fine."

Hewer turned to finish his preparations, "I may not know McKay like you do, but all I've seen of him so far is an egotistical screw up who's going to get us all killed."

Cadman whirled on him, fury stamped all over her face, but it was Lorne who spoke in a tight, angry voice, "Look, Hewer, I don't want McKay on this particular mission, you don't want McKay on this mission," he bent down to retrieve his pack, "hell McKay probably doesn't want to go on this mission," he straightened up and fixed Hewer with a glare. "But he's going on it so suck it up. That is an order."

"How nice to be joining such a professional team," said a sarcastic voice from the door.

Lorne closed his eyes. Talk about bad timing. He turned to face the angry scientist, "Doctor McKay…"

McKay waved him away as he crossed to his locker. "Pay it no mind, Major Lorne. I already know your opinion of me." He checked and loaded his hand gun and then picked up his pack from the locker. "Not quite ready yet? What a shame. See you in the jumper bay." And he strode out the door.

Great start.

...

"I'm sorry, sir, ma'am. I knew that Doctor McKay was upset by what he had heard and I should have made a greater effort to smooth things over before we left. It won't happen again."

"No, it won't," said Sheppard through gritted teeth, glaring at Hewer, who this time had the sense to stay quiet.

"I can only assume that Doctor McKay felt that he couldn't trust us to look after the ZPMs."

Cadman looked stricken at that. "I'm sorry too. I should have spoken to McKay when we were on our way to the Ancient dwelling. But he was so caught up in his scans and I didn't want to be rude to Councilman Riva. Of course I'll apologise to Rodney."

"I think there will be quite a few apologies coming Doctor McKay's way in the near future," said Weir with a quick glance at the Colonel. "Now it is late, very late, and you've had a long day. Go on off now and get some rest. Be ready to go back to PX-5649 at 08:00 tomorrow morning."

"Yes, ma'am." Lorne and the other soldiers saluted and left the conference room.

"Carson, you too. Let me know if anything changes with Rodney."

"Of course, Elizabeth. Don't stay up too late either." With a distracted smile Beckett left leaving Sheppard and Weir alone.

"Sergeant Hewer was transferred from the Daedalus after it had rescued you and Rodney at Doranda." said Elizabeth. "Is he a problem?" she asked bluntly.

"He might be becoming one," Sheppard admitted. "A few comments have been made, but I thought I'd dealt with them. Obviously not."

Weir smiled slightly, "Does Rodney know you're still looking out for him?" she asked, although she'd already guessed the answer.

Sure enough Sheppard's expression closed down. "Our paths haven't crossed that much recently."

"I see." Elizabeth wanted to tell Sheppard about Rodney's resignation letter, but she knew she couldn't; Rodney hadn't finished it and she should never have read it. Instead she said, "Don't you think it's about time that your paths did start crossing again?"

"I'm not ready, Elizabeth."

Weir nodded, "Don't leave it too late, John. As we know to our cost, regrets have a way of piling up out here."

Sheppard's lips tightened. "Goodnight, Elizabeth." He left without looking back.

"Goodnight, John," Elizabeth sighed.

Elizabeth had a troubled night. She kept going over and over her interactions with McKay since Doranda. The accusations in his resignation letter haunted her and Elizabeth had to admit that her questioning of Rodney in staff meetings must have looked to McKay as if he wasn't trusted. That had never been her intention; she had thought that McKay would be pleased with the interest she was showing. Now she realised what she should have known earlier; Rodney was on the defensive. Of course he would have taken her comments and questions as criticism. No wonder he wanted to resign.

She was in the control room in plenty of time to see off the two teams going back to PX-5649, but around seven o'clock she had a call from Carson. Bad news.

McKay's condition was worsening and Beckett didn't want to leave him. Weir moved up the mission schedule.

As the jumper lowered in to the gate room Weir called Sheppard on the radio. "Good luck, Colonel and be safe."

"Always." Sheppard promised.

Sheppard chafed at the time it took to get to the settlement, but he had to agree with Elizabeth; if they had tried this in the dark they would have been limping home. At last though he saw the village and quickened his pace. He saw an older man waving to them as they emerged from the forest.

"Major Lorne! We did not expect to see you so soon. Is all well?" asked Trein.

"I'm afraid not, Councilman. First may I introduce my commanding officer, Colonel John Sheppard."

Trein nodded, "You are welcome here, Colonel, but I can see from your face that you are troubled so we will leave off the proper greetings until they can be completed as they should."

"Thank you, Councilman. You are right, I am troubled. Yesterday Doctor Rodney McKay visited your settlement. Last night he became ill and this morning… This morning we fear for his life."

Trein's face fell. "This is terrible news! Doctor McKay was most welcome here. Councilman Riva was most impressed with his ability."

"Actually, it's Councilman Riva we wish to speak to. He had the most contact with Doctor McKay. We hoped he would be able to tell us anything he remembers, especially if he remembers Doctor McKay getting injured."

"Of course, please follow me. Riva is up at the Ancestors' dwelling." Trein led them forward. "Please tell me, do you know what ails Doctor McKay?"

"It seems to be some sort of blood poisoning." Sheppard answered. "McKay's blood appears to be turning grey and black."

Trein stopped abruptly. "It sounds like 'Stone Fever'," he said. "We have a medicine, but usually it needs to be taken before the blood starts to change colour. However I will have some made ready for you." He turned and raised his voice to a young man tending a fire outside his home. "Cotat! Cotat! Have your mother prepare medicine for Stone Fever. Our friend is ill!"

Cotat nodded and hurried inside the tumbledown house.

"Cara is a healer. It will not take long to prepare. Come we will find Riva." Trein led them on again until they reached the rock face.

"Riva! You are needed!" Trein called.

They could hear the message being passed along and in a few moments Riva stepped out in to the early morning sunshine. "Trein? Ah, Major Lorne, you have returned early."

"Riva, Doctor McKay is ill. Stone Fever."

"No, that is terrible news." Riva looked concerned and he sighed. "I believe this may be my fault," he said. "I should have insisted on Doctor McKay seeing our healer, but he assured me he was well and of course he wanted to get back to the Ancestors' City with our gift."

"Can you tell us what happened?" Lorne asked.

"We have a Reliquary, in the inner sanctum," Riva gestured to the opening. "The instructions for opening the Reliquary are on the walls, left behind by the Ancestors. Unfortunately over the generations we have lost some of our understanding of the Ancestors' tongue. All we knew was that one day the Ancestors would return. And when they did, their hands would open the Reliquary. Yesterday we asked Doctor McKay to place his hands on the Reliquary. He was concerned, of course, but I believe that Doctor McKay put his faith in the Ancestors. At first all was well, but then we saw blood. I don't know what happened to cause that. We helped Doctor McKay as much as we could and of course we apologised to him; we never expected him to be injured. Then the Reliquary opened and we gave the Ancestors' Gift to Doctor McKay."

"Doctor Beckett said the wounds were like puncture marks. It was probably some sort of security protocol; only those with the ATA gene could activate it, that's why it needed a blood sample." Lorne mused.

They heard running footsteps behind them and the young man who Trein had called to burst in to view. "Councilman Trein, I have the medicine!"

"Thank you, Cotat." Trein passed a clay pot about the size of a tennis ball to Sheppard. "The medicine is in the form of a paste. Take a spoonful, about this much," he made a circle with his thumb and finger, "and dilute it with boiling water until the mixture can be poured easily. It is taken internally, Doctor McKay must drink it down. It does not taste very nice, and as I said we usually take it much earlier than this, but I hope it will be enough to cure him."

"Any side effects?" asked Sheppard.

"None that I know off. Usually only one dose is necessary, but you may find you need more."

"Thank you, Councilman. We'll stay in touch."

"And please give Doctor McKay our best hope for a speedy recovery," Riva added.

"I will, thank you." Sheppard spoke gently for he could see that the elder councilman was truly upset with the situation. Looked like Elizabeth was right; the Malaxians were good allies. "We must get this medicine back to the city."

"I hope we will see you all again soon, including Doctor McKay." said Trein.

"So do I, Councilman, so do I."

Weir glanced up when Doctor Zelenka knocked at the side of the door way. She smiled in welcome. "Thank you for coming so promptly, Radek, I know you are busy with the ZPMs. Please have a seat."

"Thank you, Doctor Weir." Zelenka pushed up his glasses and sat down.

"So, how are things with the ZPMs? Are we ready to install them?"

"Actually I wanted to discuss that with you."

Weir's face fell. "Don't tell me they are useless after all?"

"No, no, no. Nothing like that. No, it's just, I've reviewed Rodney's work on the ZPMs and it is all sound. I've also seen his schedule for the installation itself and it is very good, very efficient. The thing is, it seems wrong to install them without Rodney. He did this himself; he found the ZPMs, tested them, cleaned them. I just thought it would be nice if Rodney finished the job."

"Doctor McKay might be off work for some time, Radek." Elizabeth said gently.

"I realise that, Doctor Weir. But if we can I think we should wait for McKay. If only so that he can see Atlantis light up."

Elizabeth nodded slowly. "Rodney certainly deserves to see that. All right, assuming power does not become an issue in the meantime, we will delay the installation until Doctor McKay can participate." Neither of them would articulate the possibility that McKay might not survive. Elizabeth noticed that Zelenka seemed relieved by her decision and what he had said about Rodney working on this himself struck a chord. "Actually, Radek, there is something else you could perhaps help with." She thought back to the letter. "_… my staff are reassigned without consultation…_" "Why was Rodney working on this himself? I'm sure there were plenty of people who could have helped. Were all the science staff busy?"

To her surprise Zelenka blushed and ducked his head. "I'm afraid that was my fault, Doctor Weir. I did not realise at the time how important Rodney's project was…"

...

He'd chickened out of asking Miko for a date on four occasions. When even Doctor Weir had taken to dropping increasingly unsubtle hints Zelenka had finally plucked up the courage and asked Miko out. When she'd said yes, Zelenka had been delighted.

He'd been disappointed when it looked as if they would have to cancel because of SGA-6's problems off-world, but it had turned in to a purely military operation with no science contribution. So Miko and Radek had decided to go ahead with their date while they could.

Radek was charmed. He already knew that Kusanagi was highly intelligent, but there was a delightful sense of humour under the demure exterior too. And he thought that Miko was not just being polite when she laughed at his jokes. Miko was also interested in pigeons; admittedly not the racing and breeding aspects but in their homing abilities and they spent a very pleasant half hour in animated discussion. It was turning in to a very pleasant date until it was abruptly interrupted.

"McKay to Zelenka."

Zelenka held up a hand reluctantly to break in to Miko's story and tapped his earpiece. "Yes, Dr McKay?" he said with a grimace on his face.

"I need you in the lab." was McKay's curt response.

And wasn't that just typical? This was the first really personal time he had taken in months and now his boss was ruining it. Radek felt a wave of resentment wash over him, followed quickly by rebellion. He was not some pet to be pulled hither and yon. Before he could change his mind Zelenka opened the channel; "Dr McKay, I am engaged on a project by Dr Weir's orders. I am unable to assist you at this time." He grinned at Miko, feeling giddy. He'd never defied McKay like this before!

"I see. McKay out."

Radek smiled even more widely. That took care of that. And it wasn't a lie as such. Dr Weir had encouraged him to ask Miko for a date. "You were saying?" he asked Miko.

Miko was about to reply when she was interrupted too and held up a hand to forestall Zelenka. Radek could only hear her side of the conversation. "Kusanagi here, Dr McKay." A pause. "I'm sorry, Dr McKay. I have a project from Dr Weir that I cannot leave." She waited a beat for the radio channel to close and then giggled. "It is like playing hookey from school, is it not?"

Zelenka laughed with her and by the time they had finished and they'd agreed a second date Zelenka had forgotten any uneasiness he felt at deceiving his boss.

...

"I am sorry, Dr Weir. It was unprofessional of me to ignore a request from the CSO, it was just…" Zelenka trailed of miserably.

"I know, Radek," Elizabeth said with sympathy. "Sometimes Dr McKay seems to have different priorities from the rest of us."

Zelenka nodded. "He did not do it deliberately, I know that. Rodney knows how I feel about Miko; he even encouraged me in his own unique fashion; but since Arcturus, well, we have not spoken as friends for what seems a long time."

"I know what you mean, Radek, I'm the same. I just hope I, we can make it up to him."

Zelenka shrugged. "I hope he will let us make it up to him."

At that moment the klaxons sounded for an incoming wormhole. Weir and Zelenka moved to the control room.

"It's Colonel Sheppard, ma'am."

Weir nodded at the gate sergeant, "Lower the shield."

The jumper glided in to the control room and Weir tapped her earpiece, "Colonel Sheppard?"

His reply sounded in her ear. "We've got some medicine from the Malaxians, but we don't know if it'll be enough. We need to get it to the infirmary."

"I'll see you there." Weir turned to Zelenka as the jumper rose out of the control room. "They have medicine. Fingers crossed that it works and then Rodney can see Atlantis light up."

Zelenka smiled. "That would be good."

Weir smiled in response and then hurried away to the infirmary.

The next few hours were an anxious wait while Beckett and his staff tested the Malaxian medicine. During the wait Elizabeth was surprised by the number of people, both military and science, who came by the infirmary to offer their hopes for McKay's recovery. At first it warmed her how close the expedition members had become but as time went on and she saw the guilty expressions under the worry; Elizabeth began to wonder what had really been going on in the city, and lines from that horrible letter kept intruding.

"… _the lack of respect shown to me is wholly unprofessional…_"

"…_we have already had one near disaster caused solely by the fact that the person in question dismissed my calculations…_"

"… _I will not work in an environment where people disrespect my contribution…_"

Rodney hadn't finished the letter; Elizabeth had to hold on to that; he hadn't finished the letter.

Elizabeth looked up as Beckett came across; her heart sank at the grim expression on his face. "Carson?"

Beckett shook his head. "He rallied for awhile there when we administered the medicine, but I suspect it was too little too late. We are trying to increase the potency of the medicine, but I don't know if it will be effective. Rodney only has hours left." He took a deep breath. "Dr Weir, with your permission, I would like to try a different treatment."

"What do you need, Carson?"

"I need Zelenka."

"While we were waiting for the results of our tests I did another search in the Ancient database. I reasoned that if the Ancients had stayed on PX-5649 they might also have come across this illness. And I found something. It is an Ancient device that was designed to filter the blood. The notes show that originally it was built to aid in Ascension by 'purifying' the body. However it was never very successful in helping Ascension along. Instead it was adapted as a medical device used primarily in the treatment of infections and cancers."

Weir, Zelenka and the remaining members of SGA-1 gazed at Beckett in shock.

"Dr Beckett, this device could be an incredible breakthrough in medical treatment. Can it really remove all infections from a person?"

Beckett passed a hand over his face. "Ah well, that's the problem. It was only ever used with localised problems, that is in cases where the infection had not spread to surrounding tissues or systems in the body. In addition it is very power intensive. However, if we can power the device I am willing to use it. At the very least I may be able to remove enough of the infection to allow the Malaxian medicine to work."

Weir turned to Zelenka. "Radek, I know you want Rodney to be able to see the ZPMs being installed but if we don't power up the city we might lose him anyway."

"I understand, Dr Weir. I will get started straight away." said Zelenka.

"Radek, what's the estimate on when the medical lab will get power?" Beckett asked.

"Medical was third on Rodney's list for power up. I will be using his notes for the procedure. I believe Medical will have power in two to three hours, barring any unforeseen difficulties."

Beckett shook his head glumly, "We'll be cutting it close, Radek. Anything you can give us sooner would be appreciated."

"Understood, Dr Beckett, I will do my best." Zelenka hurried out.

During the next few hours Elizabeth marvelled anew at the ability of the expedition members to pull together. Using McKay's installation program Zelenka and the other scientists, engineers and soldiers all worked together to bring the ZPMs on line. Their focus and professionalism reminded Elizabeth of the dark days before the Wraith laid siege to Atlantis, but this time the atmosphere was tinged with excitement rather than dread.

Two hours in to the program and Elizabeth had word from the infirmary; power had been diverted and the Ancient blood filtering device was online. Given Beckett's usual hesitancy in using 'new' Ancient equipment the fact that he was willing to use it straight away told Elizabeth all she needed to know about Rodney's condition. She hadn't heard anything further since then and she was considering calling the infirmary for an up date when she saw Dr Zelenka hurrying across the control room floor. "Dr Zelenka?"

Zelenka beamed up at her. "We are done, Dr Weir! Atlantis has two fully functional ZPMs!"

Elizabeth smiled widely as she motioned for Zelenka to join her, just as a cheer went up from the personnel in the gate room. Zelenka trotted up the stairs and handed her a PAD as he delivered a verbal report.

"We had a few minor injuries when power couplings could not take the strain, but Rodney's precautions prevented any serious injuries. We have de-coupled the areas of the city that we are not using and have run tests on those areas that we could use in the near future. Those areas have been powered down until we need them. The areas that we are using are now at full power, as is the city shield and the Chair."

"That is wonderful news, Radek. May I inform the teams, or would you like to do it?" Elizabeth said with a smile.

Zelenka's expression faltered briefly and he said, "Please go ahead, Dr Weir."

Elizabeth frowned to herself as she gestured to Chuck to open the city wide comms. "This is Dr Weir. The ZPMs are installed and are in use. I want to thank all of you for your hard work over the last few hours. Your efforts have just made life around here more safe and more interesting!" She was about to sign off when she caught sight of Zelenka, looking troubled, and Elizabeth realised that there was someone that she should be crediting. She turned back to the gate room. "I'd also like to commend, publicly, Dr Rodney McKay, for bringing these ZPMs to us and for preparing for their installation. In addition I'd like to thank Dr Radek Zelenka for implementing the plans so efficiently. Well done, all of you, and thank you. Weir out." She nodded to Chuck to close down the comms and turned to Zelenka. "Was that alright?"

Zelenka smiled, "Yes, it was good, Dr Weir. Perhaps Rodney heard it?"

"Let's find out." She tapped her radio, "Weir to Infirmary."

Carson Beckett was just replacing Rodney's IV Bag when the call came through to the Infirmary.

"_Weir to Infirmary."_

"Beckett here."

"_Any news, Carson?"_

"I've used the Ancient filtration device to remove most of the toxin from Rodney. We're still treating him with antibiotics, but his temperature is down and his blood pressure is improving. At present he is stable and I am more confident about his recovery. We will of course keep monitoring him. Of our other patients only Doctor Shue remains in the Infirmary getting treatment for an electrical burn, the others have been discharged."

"_Great work, Carson. Keep me updated. Weir out."_

Beckett finished with the IV and added a note to Rodney's chart.

The very first thing that McKay noticed when he regained consciousness was an increased hum of power around him. Even before he opened his eyes he knew he was in Atlantis, he knew he was in the infirmary and he knew the ZPMs were on line.

With a sigh of satisfaction he opened his eyes and looked around the infirmary. None of the beds were occupied but he could just catch a glimpse of Beckett working in his office. Looking around again McKay saw and reached for the cup of water by his bed. After a few sips he replaced the cup and sank back in to the pillows before pressing the call button. Beckett shot out of his office.

"Rodney?"

"Carson. What happened?"

Beckett came over to check his pulse. "What do you remember, Rodney?"

McKay frowned, trying to remember, "I remember getting the ZPMs ready to install," he said slowly, "and then, in my quarters I didn't feel well, but I don't remember how I got here."

Beckett nodded, "You contracted blood poisoning on Malaxia. Nurse Ollin noticed an anomaly in your blood work and Dr Weir and myself discovered you in your quarters when we came to look for you."

"Huh, well thank you. I take it everything's fine now?"

"Seems to be. But how do you feel?"

"Okay, no pains, fairly clear headed," McKay considered further, "hungry."

Beckett smiled, "We can sort that out no problem."

"How long have I been here?"

"Four days. I used an Ancient Filtration Device to clear your blood of the toxins and the medicine that we got from the Malaxians did the rest."

"I don't remember a device like that being used before?"

"No, we didn't have power for it before, but with two ZPMs up and running… You did a grand job there, Rodney."

McKay shrugged, "I just found them. Not even that, the Malaxians gave them to us."

"Still, they gave them to you and _you_ got them ready," Beckett smiled, "Now, I'll order you up some dinner and inform Dr Weir that you are awake. There'll be a lot of relieved people around when they hear that." Beckett patted McKay's leg and bustled away.

McKay watched him go wondering if the doctor was right that people would be relieved to have him back.

The next few hours became almost surreal. There was an almost constant string of well wishers offering congratulations on the ZPMs. There were even apologies from Cadman and Lorne about comments that were made before the mission to Malaxia and assurances that Sergeant Hewer would not be bothering him anymore.

Zelenka came in looking very contrite, which McKay thought was odd since Radek should have been delighted with the ZPMs, so the first thing McKay did was congratulate him on the installation.

Zelenka blinked, "I just followed your procedures, Rodney, you deserve the credit."

That was going too far, "I was unconscious in the infirmary, Radek, hardly in a position to direct the operation. Everyone must have worked very hard."

"Yes, we did, but we were following your directions." Radek smiled briefly, "We did want to wait, you know. But we needed that Ancient device for you and the device needed power, so we had to go ahead. I'm sorry we could not wait."

McKay waved him off, "It doesn't matter. I kind of got how desperate things were getting when I realised that Carson was willing to use a new Ancient device without testing it. You know how he gets."

Zelenka nodded, "Yes, it was a narrow escape and I am glad you are well again. Also I must apologise for not helping you with the ZPMs."

McKay shrugged, "You were working for Dr Weir." He remembered that at least.

Zelenka flinched, "Not exactly. I was on a date with Miko. It won't happen again."

"What? A date with Miko?"

"No, no, no. I won't ignore your orders again."

"Then I better not order you to dismantle that still you have in Sub-level C, huh?"

"What still?" Zelenka asked innocently.

McKay snorted, "Now are there any problems I should know about with the ZPMs?"

The two physicists spent a productive twenty minutes going over the power outputs of the ZPMs and the implications for the city. Eventually though Beckett shooed Zelenka away and ordered McKay to rest.

But it was a long time before McKay could sleep. He didn't _get_ these people. A week ago he could barely get the time of day from any of them, now they were fawning all over him. Was it only huge gestures that they recognised? Were they sorry for him? Were they genuinely sorry for the way they had treated him after Doranda? _Why_ did they treat him like that in the first place? And _how_ would they react when he screwed up again?

Those questions followed him down in to sleep.

The next day McKay was discharged from the infirmary. Beckett gave him the standard lecture about light duties, taking it easy and all the rest, but for once McKay felt no inclination to go haring back to the labs. That in itself was quite a disturbing thought for Dr Rodney McKay PhD, PhD. Before in his career after whatever set back he had faced he had always thrown himself back in to his work, putting whatever shortcomings had been exposed behind him and pushing on to the next discovery. Perhaps that was where he had been going wrong? Last night he had wondered about the people around him, penduluming between outright hostility and overwhelming gratitude. Perhaps he was similar after all, always striving to bury his mistakes in something new? Was he perhaps trying to make up for those mistakes? Had he concealed a base desire to bribe those around him into acceptance, respect and liking by calling his work the more noble pursuit of knowledge? Is that why they thought he didn't care? That he deserved their censure? And now that he'd done something right, something that they could all see and benefit from, now they thanked him and patted him on the back. Was that the biggest bribe of all?

McKay's slow pace finally brought him to his quarters. Someone had been here. The bed was made, there was no medical detritus around, even though he knew he'd been found here, and his cat's photograph was in a new frame. That was kind - of Teyla probably; McKay fingered the carved wood, guessing that it was of Athosian manufacture. He'd have to ask and thank whoever was responsible.

Tiredly he sat down at his desk, nudging the laptop still sitting there. The last file was still there on the screen, his resignation letter. He remembered writing this, the anger, the bitterness. He also remembered why he didn't finish the letter and why he hadn't sent it. New discoveries again, just waiting for him to make them. Was it worth it?

"Dr Weir do you have a moment?"

Weir looked up from the latest report from hydroponics and smiled widely when she saw who was waiting there. "Rodney, of course come in. It is very good to see you up and around."

McKay took a seat in front of her desk, "Thankyou, Dr Weir."

"I tried to see you last night but by the time all the well wishers had gone you were asleep. How are you feeling?"

"Very well, thank you for asking. There are a few matters I would like to discuss with you, if you have the time."

Weir swallowed down her foreboding; this was way too formal for Rodney and she hoped with all her heart that he was not about to resign. "Of course, Rodney, how can I help?"

McKay passed over his lap top. "I have set out a schedule for all the science departments for the next two weeks. Before we really start to take advantage of our new power levels I think it would be prudent to try to impose some order on the Ancient database. Of course even with a more user friendly database there is no guarantee that we will not run in to surprises when we start opening up the city, but I hope we will be slightly more prepared."

Weir glanced over the work schedule. "I see, it sounds like a good precaution to take."

"Some departments; stellar cartography, botany and control room staff, will not be hugely affected, although I have assigned two from each of those departments to work with the linguists, looking for their specialities in the database. Naturally the linguists will be the most busy for this project and I have assigned them all to areas of interest along with other science staff from those areas. You yourself are quite accomplished with the Ancient language and any help you wish to give would be much appreciated."

"Of course, Rodney. Wherever you think I can help."

McKay nodded. "In the meantime, I have assigned most of the engineering staff to do a physical check on the fabric of the city to estimate its readiness for power. At present we are limiting our usage to the areas we currently occupy. If we wish to open up more of the city the audit of its structure, along with the information we get from the database should give us a better idea of which areas to concentrate on."

"This all sounds perfectly reasonable, Rodney. What areas do you intend to supervise yourself?"

McKay took a breath. "Actually, I don't." Weir looked up sharply but before she could speak McKay continued, "I intend to put Dr Zelenka in charge of this project. While it is going on I would like to request a short leave of absence with the Malaxians, if that can be arranged."

"The Malaxians?" Weir asked incredulously.

"Yes. I have been re-reading my After Mission Report on Malaxia and I would like the opportunity to go back and study both the Ancient writings and the Reliquary itself. I hope that by doing so I will gain a better understanding of either the manufacturing or recharging of ZPMs. We have two depleted ZPMs, as does Earth. If we can bring them up to full power we will have many more options for defence in both the Pegasus and Milky Way galaxies."

Weir was stunned. "Well, yes, I suppose that we would, but, Rodney wouldn't you prefer to be here, overseeing the projects?"

"Dr Zelenka is perfectly capable of doing so. There is also a side project on Malaxia that I would like to explore. I noticed that there appears to be some substance or perhaps technology that conceals life signs from scanners. If I can I would like to identify this phenomenon and explore possible uses for it. If we can mask our life signs from the Wraith it would give us a great advantage off world. And if it can be used to conceal a settlement we would have a very powerful trade item."

"I see. You've obviously given this a great deal of thought."

"Yes, I have. I feel that at this time this would be the most efficient use of our resources."

"Do you have a team in mind?"

"I would prefer to do this alone."

"I think I can almost understand that, Rodney, but to have you away from Atlantis for two weeks, without back-up is unacceptable."

"In that case, I suggest Major Lorne and Lieutenant Cadman on rotation with Sergeant Stackhouse and Lieutenant Bryce for the military contingent, both Lorne and Stackhouse have the gene which might come in handy. I will also take Dr Larsson from linguistics for the initial study. Further assistance will depend on my findings."

Elizabeth nodded, "That is acceptable." She took a breath. "Rodney, I know, now, that things have been strained recently, and I can understand that you wish to distance yourself from that, but please believe me when I say that we are all aware of your contribution to this expedition, and more than that, that we do appreciate you personally. Mistakes have been made on all sides but we deal with them and we move on. On a personal note, I am sorry that you took my comments over the last few weeks as criticism, that was not my intention, and I hope you know that I value you as a friend as well as my Chief Science Officer."

McKay regarded her for a moment. "You read my letter." he stated flatly.

"Yes, accidentally, I could hardly help myself. But I did not share its contents with anyone else."

"And 'Give your ego a rest for one second' was not a criticism?"

Weir flushed, "I was angry, Rodney, angry that you wouldn't listen to us and angry that we could have lost you and Colonel Sheppard. You have to trust us, Rodney, as friends and as co-workers, you have to listen to us and trust us."

McKay felt a wave of anger building; the hypocrisy of the woman! Did she not understand? "I did trust you, Dr Weir, and look where that got me. Do I have your permission to go to Malaxia?"

Weir frowned, she was missing something here, but she could also tell that McKay was no longer in the right frame of mind for discussion. She nodded slowly, "I will contact the Malaxians and see if they will agree to you staying with them and doing your research. Perhaps you're right, a break away from Atlantis will allow you to put all this upheaval in its proper perspective."

"Thankyou, Dr Weir. Perhaps it will do the same for you." McKay left before he said anything more scathing.

"Now what did he mean by that?" Weir muttered as she followed McKay out to speak to Chuck.

'_Listen to us.'_

'_Trust us.'_

What did she think he did every day? Every single day he trusted his staff to work through their projects and every day some one or other of them betrayed that trust, usually because they just weren't quick enough to see the consequences of their actions; but he taught them, they learned, and at least he could say that no one made the same mistake twice. Did Weir mean that he should have listened to Radek? Why? He'd already extrapolated the build up of exotic particles in the containment field; it was his damn equations that proved it! Manual control was the only way to go, and it was working! It was working until he tried to shut it down. They got scared, Sheppard got scared, he got scared; and he couldn't shut it down. _That_ was the mistake, that and underestimating the power of the device. That was a _big_ mistake.

McKay sighed as he entered his quarters. Yes, that had been a terrible mistake. Just like his staff members he had not seen the consequences of his actions. Well he had learned that lesson, all too expensively. But whatever else he had done that day, he had never tried to ostracise any of his staff that had made a mistake.

Shaking his head McKay began to pack for his visit to Malaxia.

"Hey, Elizabeth, what's this about reassigning Lorne and the others?"

Weir looked up at Sheppard, "Rodney has requested time on Malaxia; I don't want him to go without an escort, and Rodney himself requested those officers. Does it clash with their other duties?"

"No, just I'd like to be consulted," Sheppard huffed.

"That's why I sent you the email, John. Please, take a seat." Elizabeth gestured to the chair and Sheppard sat in his customary slouch. Weir sat back steepling her fingers. "Rodney was in here earlier to make his request and he said some things that got me thinking. There's been a lot of anger round the city since Doranda, most of it directed at Rodney."

"He screwed up," Sheppard interrupted.

"Yes, but he's not the only one." Weir noticed the flinch in Sheppard's shoulders. "And to be honest I don't think any one, including me and yourself have handled this the way it should have been. Although I hesitate to claim full responsibility I think my initial actions on your return set a bad tone."

"What are you talking about, Elizabeth?"

"You weren't there, you'd already gone from the gate room. I could see you were angry, I was too and I'm afraid I let that anger spill over. I called Rodney up to my office, but the door was open, everyone could see and hear us. I didn't think, I just laid into him. How reckless he was, how egotistical, everyone heard us. And you know what this place is like for gossip, I'll bet that story did the rounds in record time. And I think, given human nature, some took advantage of that, used it as an opportunity to maybe get their own back on McKay? Perhaps take some revenge for Rodney's less than generous comments in the past?"

"McKay's a grown man, Elizabeth, he can take care of himself." Sheppard said uncomfortably.

"Normally yes. But you know Rodney, Colonel, you know he is his own harshest critic. He retreated and our lack of public support for him made it much easier to attack Rodney. You know yourself, you've had to deal with some of the military. I've just found out that one of the engineers nearly caused the death of himself and his whole team because he ignored McKay's procedures. That would have never happened before; no one would dare, because they knew no matter how irksome or how insulting they thought those procedures were, they trusted McKay, they don't now."

"He brought that on himself, Elizabeth."

"No, Colonel," and Elizabeth's voice hardened, "_we_ brought that on him. Goodness knows we've all made mistakes here, but have we ever abandoned the person who made them? Rejected them and ignored them? No we haven't. Neither you, nor I would be sitting here today if that wasn't the case."

"So we just have to forgive and forget, is that it?" Sheppard was almost sneering.

Weir sighed, "No one is going to forget, John, least of all Rodney, but we do need to find a way to get past all this resentment, on both sides. I think that's why Rodney wants to go to Malaxia; he's trying to figure out if he can trust us again."

"He's got a cheek," Sheppard snorted.

"No, John, he's got a point. Yes, McKay made a mistake, he was wrong, it didn't work. It's not the first time and it won't be the last. Next time it might be you who makes the catastrophic mistake, or me, or Zelenka. It could be any one and any thing. How we deal with that person is just as important as the mistake made, in this case it was even more important. Besides we can't afford to be at each other's throats like this; we won't survive."

"McKay manipulated us, Elizabeth, I can't trust a player."

"If that is truly your greatest concern, John, then you have to address that with Rodney. But we can't go on like this. Now if you have no objection I will approve Dr McKay's trip to Malaxia with the military personnel requested."

"No objections," Sheppard said through gritted teeth.

"Thank you, John. It's two weeks. I hope we can have some sort of resolution by then."

"I'm sure we will." Sheppard got up to leave.

"John, I wouldn't leave it until the end of the two weeks. If Rodney is going to be considering his position it would be better if he had your point of view to consider too."

Sheppard nodded as he left.

McKay was trying to decide which of his lap tops to take to Malaxia when his door chimed.

"Come in." he called.

"McKay."

Rodney whirled round. "Oh, it's you. I thought it might be my escorts."

Sheppard walked further in to the room. "I didn't think you'd want Lorne or Cadman on this little jaunt."

McKay's eyes narrowed, "They'll do." He started packing his lap top batteries.

"I think Elizabeth is worried that you won't come back."

McKay snorted. "There's no danger. I can put up with primitive plumbing for two weeks for the sake of science, but I don't intend to make it permanent."

"Elizabeth thinks we should talk before you go."

McKay rolled his eyes, "Like you do everything Elizabeth says."

"You're on thin ice there, McKay."

McKay shrugged, "Not as much as you." He started to pack his chosen lap top.

Sheppard licked his lips, "Why'd you do it?"

Now McKay looked at him, confusion on his face, "You'll have to be a bit more specific than that."

"Why'd you manipulate me like that?"

"What?" McKay exclaimed incredulously, "No one manipulates you, Colonel, that I do know."

"When you asked for my support in changing Elizabeth's mind, you manipulated me then."

McKay flushed, then went pale. In most people that would be a sign of guilt but Sheppard still knew McKay and knew that McKay was building up to an explosion; the clenching and unclenching fists was a bit of a giveaway too.

But the explosion didn't come. "If that's what you think, Colonel, then that's your problem not mine." McKay turned away.

"I know what happened, McKay," Sheppard snarled.

McKay whirled back. "You know nothing if that's what you think!" This time the volume was higher and Sheppard was suddenly glad that the door was shut for this confrontation. McKay stalked forward, "I had every right to ask for, no expect, your support. As the Military Commander of this base, as my Team Leader, as my friend and colleague," each title was punctuated with a poke to Sheppard's chest; Sheppard had never seen McKay so furious. "I should have had your support, without question!" McKay stepped away. "But no, you made me beg, beg for something I had already earned a hundred times over. Is that how you get your kicks, Colonel? You like having people beg from you?"

"You were wrong, McKay, and I knew you were wrong. You manip…"

"I was right!" This time it was a scream, accompanied by McKay slamming one of his other lap tops on the desk. "You know what's going to come back when the SGC gets through their investigation? Whether it's in ten years or a hundred years. They're going to come back and say these equations are right, they are perfect. Because they were, Sheppard, the math doesn't lie. I had every reason to go ahead with that test. Not because I'm arrogant, not because of my ego or anything else, but because the math said I could go ahead with the test." McKay slumped then and passed a hand over his face. Sheppard hardly dared breathe.

McKay straightened. "Let me put it in a way you might understand, Colonel. When you raise your gun to fire at an attacker, you don't hesitate, you don't wonder if the gun is going to fire, because you know it will. You know because you have maintained your gun, you've cleaned it and oiled it, you've loaded it, you've practised with it. You know you can trust it. And I trusted the math." McKay bent down and slung his pack onto his shoulder. "And you know what, Sheppard? I'd do it again, because if I can't trust the math then I can't trust anything. Excuse me."

McKay walked out, back straight, leaving a shell shocked Sheppard behind. "That went well." Sheppard finally muttered.

The Malaxians were delighted to have McKay back with them and congratulated him on his recovery. He was given quarters with Cara's family and found himself an honoured guest at Cotat and Trevia's family dinner.

Rodney spent the first few days of his leave of absence with Dr Larsson translating the Ancient writings carved in to the walls. When they had finished McKay sent Larsson back to Atlantis with instructions to upload the new information and to try to create some sort of book of the translations for the Malaxians to keep. While she was gone McKay turned his attention to the scanner mystery and discovered that it was caused by an unusual ore in the rock that the settlement was built on and surrounded by. Rodney speculated that it was the presence of this ore that had drawn the Ancients to Malaxia in the first place. However McKay discovered that the amount of ore needed to conceal life signs from technology was too great for practical use and taking the ore would leave the Malaxians vulnerable. He was allowed to take some samples and he sent them back to the metallurgists on Atlantis to see if they could somehow boost the properties of the ore.

With two of his self-appointed tasks completed McKay then turned his attention to the Reliquary. Here progress was slower, despite the information from the Ancient carvings. To his disappointment the Reliquary appeared to be merely a storage device, not a recharging station, but McKay hoped that its construction would give some insight into how the ZPMs were produced.

When Dr Larsson returned, accompanied by Colonel Sheppard, Teyla and Ronon, she brought a gift for the Malaxians. McKay was there when the book was presented to the Councilmen.

"Councilman Trein, Councilman Riva, Dr McKay suggested that you would value a translation of the Ancestors' wisdom to go with the carvings in the sanctuary. On behalf of Atlantis we offer you this gift of those translations. Many of our people have worked on this and our friends, Teyla and Halling of the Athosians, have made a protective cover for it. We thank you for all you have done for us and hope that this gift will serve as a permanent reminder of the friendship between our two peoples." Sheppard handed over the book with a flourish, secretly quite pleased with himself that he had remembered what he considered to be the rather florid speech that Elizabeth and Teyla had insisted on.

Trein accepted the book with wide eyes, "Thank you, Colonel Sheppard, this is most kind…" he trailed off as he opened the pages and gasped. Even McKay was impressed when he saw what they had done; each page was made of crystal and was carved with the Ancient text on one side with a Malaxian and English translation on the other. Each page was reinforced with silver and the whole thing was bound in thick leather with the stargate symbols for Malaxia embossed on the cover. "This is a work of art, Colonel, thank you, thank you all. We must celebrate our good fortune in meeting and becoming friends with such worthy people. Come let us feast!"

"We'd be delighted," Sheppard said with a wide grin and a sideways glance at McKay.

The party was in full swing but McKay had left to return to the Ancestors' dwelling for some peace and quiet. He'd thanked Larsson and Teyla for their work on the book which he was privately categorising as an Ancient Rosetta Stone. He'd spoken with Ronon and hidden his glee when he found out that Hewer had been Ronon's running partner for the last week; the feral grin on Ronon's face told McKay all he needed to know about how much Hewer had enjoyed the experience. But he had avoided Sheppard and he wasn't even sure why.

Of course it was too good to last. When he eventually came out of the Reliquary room he found Sheppard sitting on the floor of the outer chamber, idly staring at the walls. McKay hesitated, momentarily considering stepping back in to the inner chamber and then becoming ashamed of his cowardice. He straightened his shoulders and crossed to his pack.

"Not at the party, Colonel?" he asked in what he hoped was a neutral tone.

Sheppard glanced over at him. "Did I ever tell you how I got the black mark on my record?" he asked.

McKay turned round, a confused expression on his face. "No." he said shortly.

Sheppard nodded and eased himself to his feet. When he spoke he seemed to be addressing the walls. "It was in Afghanistan. I was assigned to a S & R squadron, that's search and rescue."

"I know what S & R is, Colonel," Rodney said with a hint of his old impatience.

"Of course," Sheppard said with a half smirk. "Well, one day me and my crew had just set down from a supply run. Our bird was getting refuelled when word came down that one of our choppers had gone down near Taliban held territory. My best friend on the base was the medic on that flight." Sheppard paused but McKay didn't say anything.

"As you can imagine, I was gung-ho for going after them. I ordered the ground crew to get my chopper ready and I went to my commanding officer to tell him that I was the one going after the crew." Sheppard shook his head sadly.

"I take it your commanding officer didn't take kindly to being ordered around," McKay said softly.

Sheppard snorted, "You can say that again. He told me that Victor Base were sending help, I told him Victor Base were too far away. He told me that all of his pilots were too close to their maximum flying time, I told him that I was fit to fly. He told me I wasn't and ordered me to stand down." Sheppard paused again, then continued. "I saluted him, left his office, collected my co-pilot and went straight to my waiting ride. And then we took off."

It was quiet in the chamber, so quiet.

"Of course it was a disaster," Sheppard said in a low tone. "We found the downed chopper all right, but we took incoming fire and went down ourselves. My co-pilot was shot. We managed to get out and across to the other bird; they were all wounded, but we helped them to return fire. Sure enough Victor Base sent one of their own and they got us out. Two of the men died on the way back. The other two died in the field hospital before they could be transferred out." Sheppard went quiet again.

"I'm sorry, " McKay whispered. He could see that this was still a painful memory for Sheppard; it always would be.

Sheppard nodded in acknowledgement. "When I got back all hell broke lose. I was lucky to get a demotion and shipped off to Antarctica. I deserved to be thrown out on my ear, maybe even court martialled. But I guess they didn't want to lose my skills completely."

"You did what you thought was right."

"Yes, yes I did and it got a man killed. The price we pay, uh? For doing the right thing?"

McKay frowned; there were some parallels here… "Why are you telling me this now?"

Sheppard looked at McKay directly for the first time since they'd started the conversation. "Because I finally figured out why I was so angry, Rodney, angry with you."

McKay flinched.

Sheppard turned to face him. "You know what I was thinking when I was running out to my helicopter? I can tell you what I wasn't thinking. I wasn't thinking about being stood down, I wasn't thinking that I was disobeying orders. No. What I was thinking was; I'm the best damn pilot they've got here or at Victor. I was thinking; I'm the only pilot that can pull this off. How arrogant is that?"

McKay hung his head, "And that's what you thought of me?"

"No, Rodney. That's what I thought of me. It just brought it all back; you reminded me of me. Look, I know you can come across as quite smug and a bit arrogant, but it's only because you really are the only one who truly gets what we're working with here. I was so caught up in remembering I forgot that. There were at least thirty pilots between us and Victor who could have gone on that mission; it didn't have to be me. My bad decision got a man, a friend killed and I have to live with that."

"So do I," McKay said quietly.

"I know, and you will. You will deal with it. But what you said was right; you did have every reason to proceed and if it had worked, well we wouldn't have half as much to worry about now." Sheppard straightened, "And I have to apologise to you for my attitude; it was wrong of me to hold you solely responsible for something even you could not predict. I know you better than that, Rodney. I'm sorry."

McKay looked Sheppard in the eye, "I'm sorry Arcturus didn't work the way we wanted it to."

"I know."

"So what do we do now?"

"Think about what we've said? Come home soon? Start again?"

"Maybe."

Sheppard sighed. "Okay." He hooked his thumb back towards the door. "I'm going to go, okay? Just think about what I said. We all want you to come back, you know."

"Okay." McKay nodded.

"So, I'll catch you later, right?"

"Right."

"Okay. Good night, Rodney."

"Night." This time it was McKay who slumped against the wall, staring, for once unseeing, at the carvings.

"Incoming wormhole!" Campbell called out. "It's Doctor McKay's IDC."

Weir smiled and nodded. "Lower the shield."

The rippling blue of the wormhole glittered in the gate room as McKay emerged carrying his pack. Weir walked down the steps with a wide smile on her face and stretched out her hand. "Welcome home, Rodney, it is very good to have you back."

McKay glanced around the gate room, feeling that little hum of power at the back of his mind now that he was in the city, seeing the welcoming smiles on the faces, noticing Sheppard, Teyla and Ronon on the gallery waving and Radek approaching fast looking harassed.

"Rodney, you need to see this," Zelenka brandished a PAD. "The system keeps locking us out when we try to access the code!"

McKay looked over the code on the screen while Sheppard bounded down the stairs.

"Yes, I see it. You're using the old security protocols, the system thinks you are an intruder." McKay handed the data pad back to Zelenka.

Zelenka gaped at McKay, gaped down at the data pad and then gaped up at McKay again. "How did I miss this?" he spluttered.

McKay shrugged, "You've been busy?"

"Yes, yes, always busy," Zelenka turned back to the pad, "Progress Reports are in your inbox, staff meeting at 13.00, welcome back, McKay." Zelenka grinned and whirled away.

"Yeah, what he said," Sheppard grinned as he clapped McKay on the shoulder. "It's been far too quiet without you around."

"I thought quiet would be good." McKay sniffed.

"Nah, quiet's boring," boomed Ronon, also clapping McKay on the shoulder. McKay winced.

"Hey! I…"

"Bruise easily!" they all chorused.

"Well I do," McKay almost whined but he couldn't stop his own grin.

"It is very good to have you back, Dr McKay." Teyla, gently, put her hands on his shoulders and brought his forehead down to touch hers. As always McKay was a little flustered but he managed not to head butt her.

"It's good to be back," he said quietly. McKay looked around the gate room, seeing the bustle, but acknowledging the nods and smiles as people welcomed him home.

"Ready to get back to work?" Elizabeth queried softly.

"Yeah," McKay nodded, "let's get to work."

The End


End file.
